So called the beginning-of-2012

It's only February and I'm already stressed like shit. Too many things in my head that I don't even know what to do first. So many ideas and plan to do from now ahead. My first monthly test is less than 2 weeks away. So I just want to prepare for my test. I do not want to study LAST MINUTE like what I did last year. Please not anymore. Regret so much already!

My life may be extremely great sometimes but in the same time it can turn upside down too at times. I'm looking forward to what's gonna happen in the future. I even haven't decided what I am going to do. Scary :3 Feeling so old la. Haha. But anyways, it's going to be a different life from now on BECAUSE my sister just got married like a month ago so I kindda feel lonely sleeping alone without her. No more laughs and jokes together anymore. Things won't be the same in my house. But however I will always pray for her happiness in her marriage and hope everything will be perfectly fine. I made my brother in law promised me to take care of my sister! :D and he was like "okay!" hahaha. Oh well, life :) Everybody will get married eventually aite :) But not me. I might stay single foreverrrrrr. Hahhaha.

I must say 2011 was a great year (I think) I've been through a lot. And I learned so much and experienced a lot of things. What a year :) I just hope 2012 will be a better year and improve myself and turn myself into a better person. Yeah.

It's just that I hope what I'm waiting for since 2010 which I still haven't figured it out what to do about it is worth to wait someday. I've had enough and the last thing I want is to get disappointed. I don't want to waste my time waiting for something that's not gonna happen. It's just not right and things have changed a lot. I want to do what's right for me but in the same time I want what's best for other people as well. Everything just seems so hard.

Another post

Great times

So i'm going to blog about what has happened last weekend. So here you go.

Hope

Hmm it took me for like 10 minutes to figure it out what to blog about this time. I'm just gonna say anything randomly that pop out of my head.

It's kindda sad and frustrating knowing that your own family doesn't trust you anymore. Doesn't mean I lost the camera once, i'm gonna do it again. My sister bought this one camera and she mentioned that she will never ever let me borrow her camera because she doesn't trust me anymore. My family is just not supportive and they just pushing me away. It just broke my heart.

Sometimes I just feel like I don't have any friends anymore. I still have my bestfriends and I can just talk to them but then at the same time, I feel like I don't wanna burden them with my problems and stuff but at the end of the day, I'm the one that feels lonely.

And him, he didn't even call me for like 2 days? Yeah happened few times before.

I just hope that my life would come back to normal. I miss my old life.

I WILL NEVER GET WHAT I WANT! I will never get what other people is having. Butttt, I have to learn to accept and appreciate what I have right now. As much as I hate to say that but yeah. Be grateful Dila. Whatever comes just be patience. Things happen for reasons.

ANYWAYS! It's already 2.41 in the morning? And I'm still awake.

And look I changed my profile pic for my blog!! >>>>>>>>>>>>>

Yea look like a retard haha. Sad, i've been abandoning my blog for like quite some time. Imma blog more often from now on onwards. In case you haven't noticed I changed my blog background as well :) And the font, the colour, EVERYTHING!! haha.

P/S I'm sorry for being so emo lately. I can't help it.

I'm out of here. Tomorrow will be a better day, hope so. Till then <3

Disappointing

I went to school today and I've got all my exam paper one shot. Was expecting to have a good day but I went totally crazy after I get my marks. Really disappointing. I know should blame it on myself though as I did not work hard for final exam. Very speechless. Very.

Of all the subject, I failed the most important subject which I should not fail in order to stay in the same class next year. Well, I really do want to stay in the same class next year. I failed 2 main subjects. Very bad. I don't even know how to tell my parents if they ask. I will never ever tell them my marks unless they ask. Even if they would, I will just say I still haven't get my exam papers yet. Sounds good aite.

What can I do, past is just past. Next year will be my last year aka SPM year. Sounds damn scary. I don't wanna go to form 5 like hell-to-the-NO. I am going to suffer I tell you. I have to study hard (the same thing I've been saying for the past 2 years) haha.

I only have these 2 months to enjoy. As if. I wish I could. Might be busy preparing my sister's wedding. I don't want to think too much about next year, I can go insane. Really. By the time, let's enjoy these few weeks to the max. This holiday might be the last time I can go out and spend quality times with my buddies. Sad. But I am still going to join cheerleading though.

Tomorrow will be the last day of school. How cool is that. Shall take pictures to keep as memories. And going to miss Form 4 very much. My awesome classmates that will never be forgotten, my beloved teachers for teaching us throughout the year (still got next year haha).

Well, I should probably head to bed by now. Till then, goodnight loves.

The hardest decisions.

When I care about someone, I really do care. When I love someone, I truly do. But at the end of the day, you have to let go of someone right for some reasons. In this case, I've been such a bad girl and only god knows what I've been through throughout the year.

I've never had a long-term relationship before. Now I'm having it and it is very very hard to let it go. I don't want to waste what we had ever since we've met. It's been a long journey between us. We have been through thick and thin. However, I gotta move on one day and it will not be an easy thing to do. People learn and move on. Hopefully I can manage to do that. I try to be strong and patient but it takes forever.

People get hurt learn all the time. We learn from that. Like Kim Kardashian, she filed a divorce 72 days after her marriage. The wedding that she had just wasted. Anything can happen to anyone. We just never know. My friend was right, 'we can't always follow our heart. we have to think wise too. that's why God gives us brain'

I trust no one. I can't listen what other people say. But I can't avoid from the truth either. Somehow I have to do it and deal with it no matter how tough it is.

#When I was hugging him today, my tears started dropping. But I never said why. I just don't know how to say. I couldn't

Lazy

I know when it comes to study, everyone would be lazy aite. That's just life. Haha. Yes i have to since my final is coming. Enough with all the pressure and now my sister adding it up more *sigh* She's asking me to replace the camera that I lost it. WHERE IN THE WORLD AM I GONNA GET THE MONEY?! Isshh I got no money ya know, what the fish. She can be so fcuking annoying at times.

So many things will be happening next year. And my MOM keep on reminding me about me have to study hard next year and cannot participate in anything. I do not want to be a book worm mommy. Seriously. I am gonna be more active next year as it is my last/senior year. Yes am still going to join cheerleading. Hope I can commit though. How sad I have to do it without their knowledge. Kindda mean. haha. But I would do whatever it takes to stick with my team.

Thinking of joining dance class actually. But I cannot afford it with using my own moneyyhhh. Darn. I'm really out of money. And should start earning money now. I might be working this november with my friend though. Hopefully. I have so many things going on my mind.

I got no time to blog every single day, so i will just blog once a week at least? Just maybe. And anyways, in case u haven't noticed I changed my background. Haha. It looks prediculous i know. But it has been ages since the last time I edit my blog.

For your information, I am soon going to get a brother-in-law :) yes, my sis is getting married and still searching some stuff and preparation as well. can't wait.